WOW...here we are...once again...trying to do it right.
I sat at my computer at 4am a few nights ago, wondering where the heck did the last 9 years go? Where did the last 20 years go? Where is my life going now?
I have to say that I'm pretty lucky. Great family, a few really great friends and I live in the best city in the world. The last few years have been a trial - by fire most days and I only got slightly singed. It's funny that just when you think your life is going great, something come along and slaps you up-side the head. Usually it's 'life' saying 'I'm still in control and don't you forget it.'
Being able to shake the dirt off the last few years is a freeing experience. I am over the moon, beyond grateful, on-my-knees-daily thanking God that I am now healthy. I also continue to pray that I am guided to the life I am supposed to have. Wait a min...the last few years WAS the life I was supposed to have.
LIGHT BULB MOMENT PEOPLE!!
I was supposed to have this crappy illness, go through 7 surgeries, deal with loss, be on/off the roller coaster and then release it - only to find it. Does that make sense?
I was recently told that I'm a control freak and maybe I am. There has been responsibility thrust on me from an early age and frankly when people say 'well, she'll handle it', what the heck are you supposed to do - say no? Well, maybe that will be what I learn this next 10 years. I no longer want to be everything or anything to/for any/everybody. I just want to be happy. If that means you think I want to be in control of you - like my brother used to say as a kid 'you're not the boss of me' - well, I don't want to be. I want to be loved for all my goodness and flaws. When I say I'm sorry, I want 'I'm sorry' to be enough. I want to leave on a jet plane and discover new places, dream new - BIG, wonderful dreams and I really, really, really want them to come true.
I want my life to be an open road with a beautiful sky just like this picture. Want to come on a ride with me?
So what am I going to do about it...lol...live I guess. I'm going to continue on the road of health to the best of my ability. I'm going to spend time with my family because they sustain me, love me unconditionally and most importantly - think I'm pretty gosh darn cool! I'm going to visit my friends who I've not seen in years and catch up with them over coffee, tea, wine or water - I don't care. It's more about being with them and re-establishing the connection. I'm going to light a fire under my own butt, to build my business, buy my own home, and walk in my Manolos without fear they are too high and I might fall. And you know what, I might stumble...and yup, even fall, but I've learned these last 9 years to get up, dust myself off, straighten my new short girly skirt and keep on steppin'.
Here's to 9 years of growth - I toast you.
Here's to 9 years of new growth - I welcome you.
Here's to you, my family, friends and readers...I love you.
Happy 2010
