Top 25 are coming to a close

So many posts of late have been “deep or sad”. So today is a light.

Let’s go to the “Top 25 list”.

I’ve two months until this will become a new list – wow…six weeks until 2010, I can hardly believe it. They say when you get older time flies...and they are right. It's been a TRIP of a year...with interesting twists/turns and I'm sure...it's not over yet.

With all that said, this is a recap of what I've been able to accomplish so far:

I have a unique collection – I decided to collect pencils. I think as a writer, it makes the most sense to me. Pencils from hotels, restaurants, and even have a few friends who have traveled to different places and bring me a pencil from their trip. If you have any pretty ones from unique places, let me know.

I’ve hung with the band - GMA and Whitney Houston - THANKS WHITNEY!! This was her official come-back (even though she didn't really go anywhere) and it was a blast.

Capture the moment – Sloane-Kettering, reading of my story, and allowing myself to re-live that over & over with friends/family. I don't think people reading it really GOT IT, but hearing it, seeing it performed was what made it clear! THIS CRAP WAS HARD AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE IN WAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND! The best moment however was, “Everything seems to be ok, so no more surgeries, see you in Jan.” I waited so long for those words and there was music that filled the room when my Dr. said them to me. Yes que curtain...opening...not closing; soaring into light, not fading into black. Still waiting for relationships to hit that "capture the moment", moment.

Stay in a 5-Star hotel – I have a trip coming up and they are putting me in lovely hotel in Montreal. This will be my first time on a plane since…well…May 2008 and no fear of bag-bursting!! Yippie!!

Write and article and have it published – well I’ve written over 172 to date and just received an offer to be a contributing editor for Green Wedding Magazine in Jan. – WOW!! Guess I can put a sentence together (sticking my tongue out to those who said I couldn't - you KNOW who you are!).

Be an extra or on a video shoot – well…can I stretch this a bit? I was in a promo video for GetMarried magazine. Yes, only brides will see it but I'll take it!

Own an original work of art – There is a photo of a giant Waffle that cracks me up! I think the woman that I will forever link with that will laugh too...

Wear a bikini - top of the 2010 list…then again…the year isn’t over yet. Anyone want to invite me someplace warm??

Dubai – This is on the 2010 schedule, as well as Bimini (Feb - confirmed); Mexico, London and a few other place TBC.

Write 44 famous people and see who writes back – Hmmm, well I wrote 4 and maybe Christmas/holiday cards will be a good reason to complete the rest. I know...no slacking, but I've been writing two blogs, a column, still sending out resumes....my fingers hurt!

Create a food blog – This was a bit ambitious esp. since I still have trouble processing food. Maybe next year (if I can find a few more hours in the day).

Go to an event and sit in the good seats – Sitting the front row at both bridal and fashion week events was totally amazing!!

Reconnect with at least 1 person from my past – Done that, now what happens next…I’ll keep you posted.

Read the entire New Testament – just a few more chapters to go. It’s really a cool book. You should try it!

Make a difference in a life – I’ve been told that I did that with 3 different people this year. That really touched my heart.

Wear something expensive (I sat in a pair of Christian Loubouitin’s does that count) and yes they were totally sexy!! (Just as I was about to post this...a great woman Linda, sent info on the Manolo Blahnik pvt sale - $100....yes...I won't eat for a month but I'm bringing sexy back....)

Publish my book – it’s going into the last chapters and will be done in a few weeks. So I won’t publish it this year as I hoped but…it will be done and considering everything I’ve had to deal with this year – I’m pretty darn proud of myself!! It's a fun read and you know...when this is published (yes I'm confident it will be, even if I have to do it myself!!), I think people will be surprised how these characters took shape - I know I am!

Ask for help when I need it – I think this will be on any/every list from now until I die. I still have trouble doing this. Perhaps it’s because I’m often disappointed by people who are supposed to be my friends/care about me. I’m trying to live in the moment with everyone and will keep reminding them…”If you don’t want me to have expectations of you…stop your expectations of me”.

Take a picture with someone famous – Yup…Sylvia Weinstock, Preston Bailey. Again, they are in the wedding industry, but since that’s what’s paying me a few pennies these days, work with what ya got!

Go to 5-TV shows – yup done them. GMA, Martha 2X, The View 2X, Today on NBC

Dance under the stars – Sigh, not even close…maybe I have to find someone who can dance first..

Lose 30 lbs – 15 from July to now is a good start. I’ll be that size 6 next year if I have to take this Thanksgiving carving knife to my thighs to trim the extra fat myself.

Visit my family – loved each and every visit, exp when they came to NY for my last surgery we went to the Fancy Food Fair where we ate until we exploded! Even though dad loves his other daughter (Serina, yea the one that plays tennis :-) and Tiger and spent time watching them with me in the hospital, I know he loves me too. He just hated looking at the 'hole'. LOL...funny to see such a strong man, run out of the room at the sight of blood.

Someone with my name – yup and she gives good drugs. My anthologist I LOVE HER, and besides my Dr., she is the only person I trust in an operating room.

2009 is almost over. If you would have told me what twists and turns this year held, I would have thought you were nuts! For the most part I'm a much happier person. One never realizes just how much your health (both mental and physical) can lead you down one path or another. Its still slow go with rebuilding other parts of my life, but 2010 is another year and opportunity to see what transpires. I am grateful to God for my health, my family for their support, my friends for...well, sticking in there and I look forward to being a stronger 'newer' and definitely sexier person in 2010.

What are people thinking??

I feel like my last few posts have been about President Obama. Well, this is another one. Actually one that’s been on the burner for a while – so can we talk?

Nobel Peace Prize.
Does a young president (meaning only in office for less than 10 months) deserve it?
Hmmm, if I’m 100% honest – no. He hasn’t found a cure for our health care reform - even if it passed the senate - barely, it still has the house to contend with; he hasn’t saved the lives of those who are fighting the war (either abroad or in their own backyard). He hasn’t yet been able to calm the fraction between any of the Middle East countries or rival gangs in East L.A. But to ask has the prize diminished, you know, lost it’s shine, I don’t believe it has.

The five-member Norwegian committee voted for him just weeks after he became President - did you know that?? It seems they based their decision on Obama’s “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples, as well as his diplomacy and curbing nuclear weapons.” Now, was this a swipe at the former administration – perhaps? Maybe it’s just because like so many people forget, President Obama has ONLY been president for 11 months (now) but because of the lengthy campaign, it seems he’s been in office longer. Look, even he was surprised.

Is President Obama, at this point compared to Mahatma Gandhi, Pope John Paul II, even Al Gore? No but he is, a man who listens and uses a thoughtful approach. Maybe this award will do well in keeping him humble and always focused on the word “PEACE”. In the end the prize will be for us all.


When will the Military listen? Was Ft. Hood loud enough?
This past week there was a horrific rampage at Ft. Hood in Texas. Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, a Arlington, Va born Army psychiatrist fatally shot and killed 13 (to date) and wounded about 38 others. Why? Some speculate it was because he no longer wanted to be in the army. Some will say because “he said he was a Muslim first and an American second”, even thought he was born in the US. Some might even say that even though he was a Major, the anti-Muslim sentiments were too much, even for this trained psychiatrist. It seems that a former Fort Hood colleague found out he was Muslim and ripped of his “I heart Allah” bumper sticker and did additional damage to his car. Maybe as a human, he just couldn’t deal anymore. After all, he is Human first, Muslim second.

I’m not going to go on a rant about “gun laws”, and the “right be bear arms” and how folks in Tx. will drive with rifles on their dash-board because that’s their constitutional right. Don’t get me started!! I don’t know how we citizens, can feel safe on the streets of Boston, NY, LA or Iowa when our soldiers can’t be safe on their own home base. What I’m hoping is that people take this for what it was. A very sad, sick and misguided person, who asked repeatedly to be released from his service and was ignored. Maybe they should have listened. The news reported last night that they "had him under observation"...does that mean they have all Muslims under observation or just him because he asked to be released? I hope people don’t see this and become wary of every person who is Muslim (or black, or spanish, or just...different from themselves); people don't walk around with a six-shooter or bomb strapped to their body. Not every terrorist looks like “one of those”. How do I know this…“Timothy McVeigh”.

No I don’t know what you go through as a person in the military. I’ve dated a solider who graduated West Point, I have loved a member of the Air Force. I've had uncles who have fought in the wars, and cousins who are presently fighting. I have been concerned for those I don’t know, because they are in harms way. Some people choose the military to help with their education; others because they are fighting for something they believed in. They know the risks of enemy territory – I just don’t think the soldiers of Ft. Hood thought that territory was in their own backdoor. May G-d grant their souls rest and their families peace.

Can you beat the system?

I saw something the other day in the news. It was called ‘Moneybag Medicaid “Cheaters’ Pinched. What was it about – Millionaires, the folks that have money, can buy the best of anything/everything…but they claim they are poor and apply for Medicare. Medicaid, is meant for low-income families – this means folks that earn UNDER $10,000 per year and having less than $13,800 in all assets. Maybe these folks simply ‘missed’ the few extra $.00’s that are at the end of their bank statement. Maybe they simply think it’s their right, or maybe that is how the rich stay rich.

The Manhattan prosecutors’ office handed down indictments for 19 people who are accused of beating the system. I’m not talking about folks that have some cash, I mean a dentist who pulls in a six-figure salary as well as the owner of two waterfront mansions. The person who owns the homes, actually rents them out during the summer for $65,000 each. Now I know the housing/summer share market took a hit, but still come on dude!

What they are ‘finding out’ and I use that term very loosely, is that more and more are simply lying to get a health-insurance handout. Like Bernie Madoff, they just didn’t think they would get caught. You hear “let the rich taxes fund the $849Billion that’s needed for healthcare reform”. I don’t think that’s the only way, nor fair. Nor do I think that raising taxes, or limiting care to those who are not citizens, is the right way. Is it fair that people should have to choose between a doctor or their next meal simply because they can’t afford both? It amazes me that other countries can help their poor, have universal health care, and still have nations that thrive, but we, in the best country in the world, can’t because the ‘powers that be’ can’t play nice in the sand box.

You know everyone wants to come to America, but what are they bring with them? Tons of people say “if you can’t make it in NY you can’t make it anywhere”, well there is a lot more folks NOT making it, or hadn’t they noticed? There are those who want to be educated here, get financial aid and then go back to their own country without so much as a backwards glance to the country that made them what they are. I say if you want to close the boarders (of course people only think of Mexicans that cross the borders in the dark of night, or people from dictator countries that risk life/limb on rickety boats) then close them to all. That means no one coming from the Ukraine, Russia, China, Germany, or any other country. That means watching those visas and monitoring them. What you don’t have the manpower for that – well, hire people (that will stimulate the economy even if in just this sector). If you’re not here and can’t bring benefit to the US of A, then you are no longer welcome. When your country goes to war, don’t look to us to save you, because we obviously can’t save ourselves.

What do I believe? I believe that the US is a great place. We are a country that is welcoming to all who want to do right by her. I have friends from all cultures, countries and economic abilities. I think we have and continue to stick our nose in others affairs and don’t necessarily know how to say “No”. I think this war has gone on too long; it’s lost its focus (to find Osama Ben Laden) and now can’t get out. I think that this country should take a breath and take care of HOME first. What a difference that would make.

Race, Relations, and things that make me go Grrrrrrrrrr

I've been a bit busy - trying to do things that are necessary in my life. I'm hoping that at least some of them, if not all, will be fruitful and bring into my life what I wish. What those things are - I'll blog about in the future.

Today I've finally had a few moments to write some thoughts on what has had me scratching my head, made me angry, and just throwing up my hands.

President Obama, Sgt. Crowley, Prof. Louis Gates.
The topic of race was too quiet...like the elephant in the room. Sadly, it's come out like a lion roaring and I don't know if it has divided the nation anymore than it has, when we should be more focused on health care, getting jobs and the return of the economy.

However, for some people, it's apparently getting increasingly hard to effectively conceal their racism, especially when it comes to dealing with the media. In a story two weeks ago emerged amongst the unavoidable Gates/Crowley fiasco, Cambridge police officer Justin Barrett has somehow managed to put himself in some deep... excrement. (this just says that while Sgt. Crowley may not be a 'racist' there are people in the Cambridge Police dept., the same one that he belongs to that are!)

He was put on paid administrative leave after he mass-mailed a racist, bigoted email to the Boston Globe and members of his National Guard unit, in which he continuously referred to professor Henry Louis Gates Jr as a "jungle monkey." Actually here are some of Barrett's original statement's:

"If I was the officer he verbally assaulted like a banana-eating jungle-monkey, I would have sprayed him in the face with OC deserving of his belligerent non-compliance." He went on further to say "I am not a racist but I am prejudice towards people who are stupid and pretend to stand up and preach for something they say is freedom but it is merely attention because you do not get enough of it in your little fear-dwelling circle of on-the-bandwagon followers."

What saddens me is that the people who demonstrate this type of behavior are more remorseful for getting caught and how they "worded" their statements more so than recognizing the social implications of their actions. In other words 'Open mouth, insert your entire leg!' This is someone who had HE been the one to respond that day, we may have had a VERY different outcome.

Now before you say I'm not responding to Pres. Obamas comments, I can only say that he is a man who may/or not have been a victim of racism himself, I don't know. Should he have used the words " acted stupidly", I don't know. In the end, there are no words that would have been good enough. Any words would have been taken out of context.

For people to presume that just because the U.S. has a black president in the white house is going to make things better; to think racism disappeared the moment he won is beyond sadly mistaken. How do you fix it? I'm not sure. I think that we should go back to our childhood when we all played with each other - with total disregard to skin color. Racism is taught; it's a learned behavior. I know people who have grown up with racist parents (this included color, religion and everything else) and they choose, to allow people into their lives based on who they are "not the color of their skin". Maybe that's too simplistic - maybe I want to believe that most people are good, sadly I know they are not.


Do I think the "Beer at the Rose garden" was as 'sweet' as it smelled, absolutely not. I believe that it was a photo-op. Let's face it...being called to the Oval office is akin to being called to the principals office.

Relations with other countries and each other.
I know Lisa Ling. She is an amazing woman, journalist and someone whose intellect I admire. I am beyond thrilled that her sister Laura Ling and editor Euna Lee are freed from captivity. What I want to know and may never know is why and how they were captured. Let me say upfront, I am not criticizing them, this was not their fault, they were 'just on the job'. I have been on the border of two countries and immediately knew where the country line was drawn...there were armed guards that told me.

I'm wondering if the area they were filming, contained no signs of warning, or police and if not...if they were just steps into N.Korea, then how and where did the military come from to arrest them? It just seems to me that they were (intentionally or not) further into N.Korea than we honestly know. Does this mean they should have been put in jail and sentenced to 12yrs of hard time - absolutely not. There are other journalists, political prisoners and perhaps many others that we will never know because of their 'non-status', who are arrested and in prisons with no chance of getting out.

Ah...former President Clinton to the rescue. I am a fan - yes I said it. I voted for him, worked on his campaign as a volunteer and think he did a good job. I am sad that I don't remember any interaction with Pres. Clinton and Kim Jong-il - the cynic in me wants to say that Kim Jong wanted Pres. Clinton to 'eat a bit of crow' for something in the past, but I have no evidence to back that up. What I do appreciate is that he passed no official messages and made no promises during his mission. N. Korea is still a country that needs to re-think it's policies.

To wrap this up, I hope that we can now get back to what's important: the economy, jobs, health care. For those critics of Pres Obama, look the man has only been in office for 8 months! If he hasn't made a real change by the end of the year, the I just might join you on the "Where is the Change?" bandwagon.

What does 1247, the number 5 and June 30 have in common?

Re-print of a letter I sent to my friends about 10 days ago. I would hum the "Jeopardy" theme song here, but I won't. Instead give me a few moments to share something with you.

Jan 18th, will always be the day that changed my life in more ways than I can count. It was the day that I had my hysterectomy and began a life with an ileostomy. As you all know, it's been a constant roller coaster ride with doctors, surgeries, life changes, emotions, etc. Through it all, those of you I now send this too have been my support, have prayed with me, cried with me, held me up, stood with me when I was in a good mood and those days that were horrible, tried to understand and provided cocktails and wet noses when that was needed. It's been a trip and honestly, didn't like the ride. (no news flash here!)

This past December I gave it up to God. After the absolute nightmare of living in Boston (the exception being Dr. Goldberg at Brigham Womans in Boston who explained everything clearly and told me my options and continues to take my calls, and Sophia who was an angel that morning after Halloween in Beacon Hill and every email after), struggling to find a job, coming back home was the best thing.

* Being in the care of doctors at Sloane-Kettering and in therapy was where I needed to be to deal with my issues.

* For being in the arms of the "Women of Cornerstone - my sisters" who were the first people I spoke aloud my hurt, sadness, fear, disgust, disappointment; they prayed with and for me, in a way I needed. They never judged me and always asked "are there anymore tissues??" after I shared. :-) Thanks L. I-S., for the blind-sided birthday gift when in reality, YOU and your girls are the gift to me. :-)

* I also think, no know the writing program ('Visible Ink') at Sloane-Kettering helped me write it out. Telling MY story was the key to releasing all of this. The written word somehow is more powerful or maybe, it's just easier understood. I can't thank my editor enough for knowing exactly how much to push, being an additional support system and knowing when to just let me be - but for not too long. She is not only my editor, she is a dear friend.


* Finally there is Ms. Patti LaBelle who sang "New Attitude" a night I was in the middle of a deep despair, pain, guilt and sense of loss. It was the moment that changed my life. Hey if it's going to be changed, why not by someone like Patti?

I'm getting to the point - just hang with me a bit longer.

This New Year, I was going to have - or at least try to have a 'New Attitude' regarding living with the ileostomy as January 20, was to be my 5th surgery. It was in my head and heart, going to be the last one and I was ok with it - finally. If you've ever had surgery that's one thing...to have 5 and have the results remain the same, to have your hopes of it being a success only to find out it wasn't, it's another. Nope not going through it again; I was going to create a new life and live-life. I'd let these 3 yrs change me and not all the changes were good. Took a while, but I learned.

After much waiting since Jan., tests, a false/positive, another test, doctor on vacation (not once but twice, then him sick), the results are final and positive. So number 5 was the magic number. The ileostomy will be reversed.

So after 1247 days (and if you add each number and reduce to a single number, it is 5), June 30th I will have the reversal of the ileostomy. How crazy is that?? I know technically that will be surgery #6, thereby shooting my 5 being the magic number to shreds so please, don't point it out - I already know. :-)

To those of you who were there from the beginning, middle or end; to those who never left me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, love and understanding - even if you didn't always understand or thought I should "get over it already/move past it". Please continue to hold me in your prayers and bear with me a bit longer as my body re-learns how to function and what emotions that may bring. For those of you who were able to share in the reading of "Thank you Ms.Patti" with me that night 2 months ago (esp you mom), you saw me feeling better about myself. It was the happiest I've been in a LONG time and I can't thank you enough for coming (esp. my NJ/NC crew). I've learned a lot about myself, family, friendships and life during this time.

Let me say that I continue to pray that this is the last surgery I will ever have, only time will tell. Even though you looked at me and didn't see a bag hanging from me, it was there. I will forever be different because of this experience and the scar a reminder. As I said, there is going to be a 're-learning' period of bodily function (is that too graphic??), but I look forward to loosing the weight, wearing my heels (which had to be put away and you know I love me some Manalos), getting better and having my body back. I hope to have the story of this experience finished by Aug/Sept. The names have been changed but you'll know who you are. :-) I can't wait to share in the 'birth' of this novel with you.

Happy Father's Day

If you’ve ever seen me and the number one man in my life, you might think we are way too silly. I think we are just father and daughter who happen to enjoy being with each other. Yup, my dad, Mr. B; my “macho-macho man”, my hero, my strength, my friend and yes the greatest man I’ve ever, been blessed to know.

He is truly the son of a farmer from South Carolina, the middle brother in a family of 13 children. He was a star basketball player who was smart enough to marry the home coming queen who is my mother. He is a man that even though he moved from the country to the city, but always a farm boy at heart. He still feels at home and comfort in planting his garden and fishing when ever he can. Still one of the sharpest dressers and a better dancer than any guy I’ve EVER dated, he is just so cool.

It is easier for a father to have children, than for children to have a real father. Okay, before you think I’ve lost my mind; this is a quote from Pope, John XXIII. If you think about it, it’s true. I used to say that there is a difference between being a father and a ‘dad’. Any man can be a sperm donor, or say that they are a father, but being there, doing the hard things, working the crazy hours, providing for your family, playing with your kids, discipline, some days doing things he didn’t want to, and I’m sure doing without from time to time so my brother and I could have, did I say ‘truly being there’, that makes you a father. The fact is, biology alone doesn’t make one a father — or a mother, for that matter.

There’s not been a time, when I think I’ve not been able to talk to my father. I have the ability to share with him my dreams, fears, or just the latest score on “Dancing with the stars”. I have been known to climb onto his lap, race tractors in Home Depot or just sit on the sunny porch during my visit to their home. He is a man I know I can trust to make things better – no matter what.

What’s not easy is to be a real father. It’s not easy to wake up in the middle of the night to change your child’s diaper. It’s not easy to play with your daughter/son after a day of hard work; not easy to read your daughter a book at bedtime when you’re so sleepy yourself; not easy to help with our homework especially after working all night, just a few hours sleep and having to go back to work the next day. It wasn’t easy, WE weren’t always easy, but loving you is extremely easy. OH DAD, are you crying again?? ☺

I hope to one day make you proud of me dad. I know you’re proud of me, but it’s like loving a child or parent. I love you because you are my father, but I like you because you’re a good guy. I want you to feel the same pride that I feel every time I think of you, or someone says “your father is really cool”. I know he’s cool and yes I’m lucky he’s mine!

So Happy Father’s Day Mr. B.

I Love You!

Sigh....words DO hurt

I met a friend today. Someone who I'd not seen in about 5 years. He is tall, dark, extremely handsome and oh so funny. We spent the afternoon laughing, telling jokes, poking fun at each other and just having a good time. It was so comfortable and probably the most fun I've had in a very, very, very long time. So what's the problem right?

Well, being super conscious of what I wear, I had on a flowing top and jeans that I thought 'held in' everything. As they say..."not so much!" We walked into a shop and there was an older woman handing out samples of some 'juice that will get things going', as she winked at him and then looked at me. He, being a true southern gentleman said "thank you Miss Kathy" as he took a swig of this "all natural, all healthy, have you 'swinging-from-the-celling' dark purple looking thing". She then looked at me and said..."I would give you some but it has just a bit of alcohol in it and I see you're expecting..." Of course I'm not, as my pal nearly spit his drink out. I was so shocked and taken aback that I simply said "I'm not and no thank you anyway".

We continued walking through this shop and I fell quiet. He looked at me and tried to make light of it and then true to his southern good-nature gave me a quick hug, said don't worry about it; I think you look great.

I wanted to run back to her and say you "so and so!!" How dare you make assumptions just because I'm wearing a flowing top. Do you know how stupid you are? Don't you know that I've been battling health issues as well as what I look like issues even when I was healthy and I'm super conscious about what I wear? Do you know that if this was a date (which it totally wasn't), I would have felt mortified, but instead I'm with a friend who knows my health history and he gets it? What an idiot you are!! Instead her words brought back pain, tears and sad memories - yet again. More than that, she had no idea - how could she? Just when I think I'm over the hump...

Look I'm know this older than dirt woman, who is doing this little part-time job to get some extra money didn't mean any harm, but it made me think yet again about word, what is and isn't said. I wondered if I was truly 'pregnant' and not just dealing with an illness that makes me 'look pregnant' would I have felt the same. Would I have been giddy, because this 'little bump was visible'? I know that I am often pissed-off when men don't give a very visible woman their seat on the train or bus, but they are VERY pregnant. That frustration is another blog entirely.

Words to some are just words. I dare to differ. I think what you say or rather what the very young and very old say is a true measure of what they think/feel. For the young, they are being honest - meaning they haven't learned to monitor - or dare I say lie convincingly yet so if I 5 year old says "you look fat"...you probably are. For the older person, I get the feeling that its 'I've lived a long time and I can say what ever I want to". Neither is correct although a child is more forgivable.

I won't say that everything I say is proper - nor correct. Not everything I write is roses or even grammatically correct :-). However as my friend Kristen said to me "when you write something that is so 'out of character' it makes me wonder what really is happening and I don't want to be the person you're angry at." Just now, I thought of the old 'sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me. That's not true - it does hurt.

So the next time you see someone - think before you open your mouth. If I woman looks like she's about to give birth any moment now...then I think it's pretty safe to say she's pregnant. If you have a moment of such anger that it's blinding, still try to pick your words carefully. Once the words come out of your mouth (or your computer keys), you can't take them back and sometimes the only thing that can make them better is a hug from a friend who says "It's ok, I love you just the way you are".

What's new?? I think I am going back to school - ARGH - I know why?? Well, let me explain.

In an effort to try to be useful/productive during this 'time-off', I'm going to brush up on some language skills. Now I know some may say I have enough time with English, but I do speak Spanish and Italian as well so why not brush up on them. I'm also thinking maybe even with the world being in a 'slump', it might not be a bad time to head back across the pond (as it were) and look for a job in Europe. Hey, why not?? I'm not promising that I'll be fluent, but I do think there are places where I can be useful, get a change of venue and possibly...well, I'm open to any and all possibilities.

I've met a lot of people during the last several months and the idea has been brewing in the back of my mind. I also think that if I knew back when I was "smart at Oxford", what life would be like now, would I have come back?I would have lived in London or perhaps France? Would I have married at a young age and have children or would I be the Prime Minister? Would I be happy, would I be rich (here's what she said to me - que sera, sera - what ever will be, will be...the futures not ours to see, que sera, sera)? It's not to say that things would be better/worse, it's just that I think I would have just traveled a different road.

Who knows.

While this is the dream this week - who knows what will happen. Maybe I'll win Lotto, maybe I've be 'discovered' by Stephen Spielberg for his newest movie, maybe Oprah will discover my book (if I ever finish it) and it will instantly become a best seller...Hey it's possible. In the mean time, I'm going to consiga algún helado y leyó un libro bueno (eat some ice cream and read a good book). Gotta start somewhere....

Happy Mother's Day....

Mothers come in all different shapes and sizes. The thing I think that they have in common is Love. Ok, so I don’t know anything about being a mom directly – I have one, have friends who are, and maybe someday.

There are even a few guys I know that are ‘moms’. What makes them moms? They have dogs or cats that they treat like their children, they have adopted children with their partners, they have sadly lost their partner (so they do the dual role), or they are the primary care-giver because their schedules either allow it or the economy forced it.

No matter how you came to be a mother I wish you a wonderful day. This is a day about being with children (even the 4 legged kind) and remembering how lucky you are to have a ‘little person’ in your life. Yes I hear it’s the hardest job there is and I can appreciate that.

So here’s to you – my own mom. I adore you, I love you, and I hope that if I ever become a mom of my own, I can be 1/100th as loving, kind, understanding and patient as you are.

Happy Mother’s day to all!!

Expectations - the good, bad and just unrealistic.

The last couple of weeks I’ve been really swamped. Writing this ‘little column’ has proven to be a lot of work. I’m not complaining, as I really do like meeting vendors, and speaking with brides. In honesty, I forgot just how much fun to be a part of the process can be.

However, I’ve also reached out to people who I’ve either worked with before, or jobs I’ve applied to. Yes, the economy has hit everyone and out of the over 100 +people or companies, I’ve only received replies from about 27 of them to date. Most saying there isn’t anything, over-qualified etc. So while a part of me is very sadden by it, I understand. I still get up every morning, look through all the job posts, send yet more resumes and hope that things will turn around soon.

I’ve also been busy trying to finish up the novel I’ve been working on for the last almost 7 months. It’s been a long and very hard road, but I think in the end it will be a fun read. What’s is about?? Well it’s about a girl that has a pretty good life, good friends, and a great job. (so far so good??). Then with a twist of ‘fate’ her life changes and what that does to her, her relationships and how she comes to grip with the changes.

My editor and I had a great conversation the other day about expectations. Most of it had to do with my expectations of the book and what I wanted to come of it, but also expectations in general. Expectations seem to be a ‘hot topic’ lately. It made me think of my expectations of people (my family, friends) as well as their expectations of me. I know that I have, what some consider ‘high expectations’. I think it’s just a matter of if I give you 110%, then I hope that I can have 85% back. Personally, I think that’s fair. However I am a flawed human with good days/bad days. I am really trying NOT to have expectations because; well frankly it’s easier isn’t it? That's not a bad thing, I'm just trying to see people from the place where they come from and accept their words/actions from (hopefully) the good place it's coming from.

What do you think? Do people have expectations of you? How do you deal with your own expectations of people? How can you reach a happy medium? If someone has the answer, please let me know. I’m trying to make things better, but some days I seem to ‘put my foot in my mouth (and not having exercised for a LONG time, you know that’s a tough thing – also not a pretty sight!!). I'm trying to get better and if nothing else, think before I write or speak.

I love my family/friends for telling me when they think I've gone off the deep end...well, I may not always like it, but it does make me think. I'm trying not to go to that place again - ya know?? So, off to more resumes…then to the park. It’s a beautiful day and I’m going to take some time for me – just me. I'm going to create a happy ending to my story no matter what.

Have a great day!

Talent comes in Two to Britian's Got Talent.

I have been gone so long from you that I feel terrible and will try to be better. The column I'm writing has taken on a life of it's own, with me working harder than I'e ever...but I love it! While this is a short blog, I want you to check out two people from Britain's Got Talent. Shaheen Jafargholi - this kid is AMAZING!!! I also Love Susan Boyle and have not seen the others that are on this show; I would love to see them both win. Watch it - Simon does stop him in the first 20 seconds, but wait to see what happens. Simon really does have an ear - who knew?? I may be a bit cynical (no comments please), but I really think that this show (the British version) showcases new and undiscovered REAL talent. The American Idol version just seems so 'canned'. What do I know...my singing makes dogs howl...

I wish I knew how to embed video - if I did....I would post it - PLEASE go to the link

Shaheen Jafargholi Auditions For Britians Got Talent With Amy Winehouse's Version Of Valerie But Then Simon Cowell Asks Him To Sing His Other Song Which Is a Michael Jackson Song And The Judges Love Him And Also The Audience Give Him A Standing Ovation

Of course here is our girl Susan Boyle...I don't know if you know the words to the actual song from Les Miserables - so here they are as well. If you want to hear the cast version - here is is...close your eyes and you will hear Susan soooo close. I just wish I had talent like this. Anywho...enjoy them both.

Here are the lyrics...I can relate to the character Fantine...can't we all at some level or another. We all have dreams, and some die and then some others are born in another form.
[Fantine is left alone, unemployed and destitute. She sings...]

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

To tired to write...but here's a joke for ya.

I want to thank those of you who have read my blog and have offered prayers and positive thoughts during my surgery (see previous post if you have no idea what I'm talking about :-)). I'm still a bit to tired to think of anything "deep" to write, so today's post is from my mom. She wanted to cheer me up with a joke and I found it funny...I hope you do too. Maybe you have to be catholic to really understand it...I don't know. I'm off to take more meds...see ya soon.

Strange Customs

A distinguished-looking young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father! Next."

Staying true to you

What a week it’s been. I’ve been working hard doing the networking thing….and you know it’s provided some insights which I hope to share with you soon.

But last week, I wrote about Facebook and the obsession that it is. Well I may have to take back any criticism shared, since I’ve now located about 20 people from my youth group days as well as some cousins I’ve not seen in YEARS. May I even say that I located a former boyfriend and WOW did he age well. The last two days have been a test of just how fast I could type (90wpm thank you very much) to keep up with the flurry of “Where have you been”, “You look amazing”, “Yes, let’s get together and please take that 1990 pic of us off the internet”. I honestly can’t remember the last time I laughed so much. So to confirm and say it loud “My name is Lisa and I am a Facebook Addict”
Please feel free to once again insert your own name in place of mine.

I know my mom is a regular reader of my blog and she is saying…what is face book? I’ll explain later - or ask your son to show you. Maybe we can get you on here as well…a true family affair!!

I have also been wondering what to write about. Sometimes there are just so many things going on in my head I can’t pick. What I decided to do today is give an update on a few of my favorite 25 things.

I have accomplished:
Reconnect with at least 1 person from my past. I’ve actually connected with 20 so far. As I said it gave me such joy and it’s so much fun to look at people and see if they’ve changed. Some of these guys I remember from the ages of 16 and now we are all in our late 30’s- late 40’s. It really brought back so many fun memories of our ‘teen club’ with Fr. Kavanagh on Wed. nights at the church and the retreats – OH THE RETREATS!!! The spirit and vitality of those times are what I miss and am working to recapture this year. I know that the blessing of FB is that I can connect with these guys and we’ve already started planning a reunion – oh man!! That will be a blast!!

Ask for help when I need it. I think that even thought I did that this week I’ll keep this on the list as a constant reminder that it’s ok to do this. It doesn’t make me weak or less of a person. I know when people ask me for help I’m ready to, so it’s not so bad to not be so strong ‘all the time’.

Wear something really sexy and expensive. Can you say Manolo Blahnik!! OH how I love these shoes and wish I could afford them. If you don’t know what they are I don’t know where you’ve been livin’. They were the best shoes BEFORE ‘Sex and the City’, but Carrie took them to another level. If you are in the know (meaning if you’ve bought them directly from the store before – or just read the NY Times when they post their annual sale), you know that they always have a ‘pre-sale’ the Sat before the actual sale starts on Monday. When money was no issue (oh those were the days), I did purchase 3 pair of these little gems that way. If you like really pretty things, it really is an experience just to hold them. Even at amazing heights of 4 or 5 inches, they are so comfy… Sorry about that – I was drooling for a second. Anywho, I tried on a pair of beautiful strappy 4.5inch python shoes that were amazing. They were at the lovely sale price of $590…reduced from the original $1495. How could one not buy them – easy, NO MONEY. I did however get my monies worth just by people watching. You can tell they were power shoppers with money (or their husbands credit card). The bling in the place was blinding, and the attitude was as cold as the ice they were wearing. I love the sales associates because they don’t take their attitudes seriously. It’s written all over their faces. So imagine this – here I walk in, black jeans, simple jacket and my hair in a ponytail. I didn’t really think I would stop in but since I was in the neighborhood… I am walking through the store and pick up shoes to try. These Park/Madison Ave. babes are giving me the look like I had the plague, until the sales associates I knew saw me and 2 of them said “Oh my god where have you been – it’s been ages since we’ve seen you. Here have a seat and we’ll get these for you.” Then a new friend who I told about the sale, she happened to be there and she squealed, “Lisa, you look amazing.” Now these chicks are beginning to wonder “Who is she??” Now, all of a sudden I’m the one they want to know. Sometimes I find humor in the little thing. Sadly the shoes I wanted weren’t in my size and frankly I couldn’t afford them now anyway so maybe that’s a good thing. In the end there were air kisses all around and the sea of women parted as I left. Yes I love power even if it’s fleeting.

That was my week and I’m hoping that next week is just as good. One can only hope. So what things have you done this week? Are you staying true to your New Years resolutions? If not…hey you can always start over…that’s the good thing about wanting to make thing better, just “do it over”.

Do You Facebook??

Ok so I admit I am a tech-geek. A cute geek, but a geek non the less. I will also admit that I've gotten hooked on Facebook. Yes it's a great way to quickly send notes to your friends and family, but it is also addictive. So much so that I (and I'm embarrassed to admit) have it on my crack, I mean blackberry.

Sometimes it's pretty cool to see what's going on, get 'poked', have a hug or fancy drink sent to you. I do admit I would prefer to be hugged for real, I've been 'poked' enough thank you very much, and my martini tastes better in a cold glass, not lickin' a warm computer screen.

Truthfully, I'm still not sure how this is different from MySpace. You have 'access' to your friends on both and you can grow your friends, group and association lists without trying too hard. What surprises me is looking at my friends-friends list. I think you can tell a lot about people buy the company they keep (hey, I think that's something that my mom said...). And does ANYONE (well other than my friend Kathleen who knows EVERYONE) really know 400+ people, I don't think so. I know that after sending a number of friend requests some people I would have sworn on a stack of bibles would have jumped at the chance to 'add' me, but they took their time. Did that mean I wasn't worth being their FB friend for all the world to see? Did that mean that as long as we met in the booth, in the back, in the corner, in the dark on alternate third Thursdays bi-monthly it was fine, but in such a public forum where let's face it you are judged, you had to think twice. Nah...it just means that people have a life and they aren't as hooked to it as I am (and you know you are too...come on, I know you're nodding in agreement with me).

Sometimes Facebook can be a curse. Unlike some of the other social networking sites choosing to have a photo or not and what photo, can be a daunting process. You don't want it to be you drunk as a skunk with bloodshot eyes, nor do you want it to be you in your Sunday best. I choose a picture that is probably one of the only pictures of me. Wearing a favorite orange sweater, hair and make-up were perfect. The look was casual yet confident. Of course I then got a comment from a male friend which was really a compliment, but made me really self-conscious, and I changed it to flowers. Hey, as a photographer I find myself changing the photo's often..see I told you I was addicted.

There are so many applications and games to learn. As a friend adds something I think, "hey that's a pretty cool group - I should join" or my favorite during the holiday the largest virtual snowball fight in the world. That was fun!! Look, I'm just scratching the surface of Facebook. I'm still learning how to keep weeds out of my virtual garden, and how to find out what's in the gift box you sent me and mostly how to actually 'search' the application feature. I'm sure with a bit more practice I'll have the hang of it. Then again maybe not. After all it's not life and death right?

So go ahead poke, send a beer, wish someone a happy birthday or send them a hug. Either way, it's just nice to be thought of by someone you call a friend. OH...if someone sends you a hug it's rude not to send them one back or at LEAST acknowledge it. Maybe there should be Facebook etiquette...hmmmm....

Thank you Ms. Patti...

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~ Anais Nin

Are you familiar with Patti LaBelle’s “New Attitude”? Well this is my theme for 2009.

Actually after three years of dealing with a medical issue (yes, it was the 'size of a grapefruit' but it wasn't the kind of tumor that will kill you), at the end of November I got the news I’ve been waiting for. It came from a sweet Santa Clause faced doctor in Boston. He said, “There’s nothing else that can be done that is guaranteed so the ileostomy is permanent. Permanent – as in: not going away, it's forever, it’s here, it’s weird, get used to it.

95% of you don’t know much about me. This blog was originally an experiment I wanted to try, to get me writing the next great novel. Today, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I never wanted or rather during the last 3 years, and 4 surgeries later, never wanted to get to know this thing called an ileostomy. I didn’t want to be its friend. I wanted it to go back where it was originally, I wanted to have my body back. I wanted to look the same way I did, slim and a great 4-pac from years Pilates. It seems that God had a very different plan. Frankly, and honestly (believe me he knows so this is no secret) I’m really pissed off!!

There I was 41, in great shape, and finally with a good guy. These are supposed to be the happiest times in my life right? WRONG! The surgery, a radical hysterectomy which removed this tumor, left me 37 lbs lighter (looking emaciated – great diet, wouldn’t recommend it), but more than the weight loss during this time, I lost me. I felt out of shape after now months of not being able to exercise, never clean enough no matter how often I showered, and just not of my own body. The once vibrant woman became frustrated, angry, depressed and for the first time the person who ‘fixed every one else’s problems, kissed their boo-boos and made them better’, I couldn’t fix my own. Neither could anyone else.

It seemed every 6 months there was a new procedure; trying a new way. Another overnight round of poking/probing and more good drugs to help with the pain. I’ve had this procedure so often I knew my anesthesiologists by name. Another woman whose name happens to be ‘Lisa’ and yes given our ‘relationship’, we’ve become friends. She is the one who made sure I felt no pain and had a wonderful sleep. She was also the one who ever so gently made sure I woke up. I am forever grateful to her warm hands in a cold operating room, and being the last smiling face I saw, assuring me that it would be over soon.

I have gone through the ‘waiting and hoping and wishing and praying’ only to wait 3 months, re-do the very painful exam and tests and be told that it didn’t work…this time. Of course it is expected that I would keep it together, keep a brave face, continue to be ‘strong’, keep moving on with life because after all…it’s not ‘really cancer’…as if the loss of a body part (and one I grew pretty fond of) and what it signifies, is any less a loss.

The pain, numbed for the surgery would come back 100fold every time I heard the words ‘it didn’t work’. It was a roller-coaster ride that wouldn't stop. The highs were so high and I was so hopeful. The lows so low, that I survived as it were, on 3 hrs of sleep a night. I wish I could adequately put into words what this, no I allowed this to do, to my life. A lot of areas in my life suffered. I missed out on or in all honesty half-stepped on a joyous time for a friend. Not just any friend, my BF. In all my frustration for surgery #4, I couldn’t fully embrace her pregnancy but I tried. While happy for her and shopping for this new baby, I found myself in Babies R Us and when the sales girl asked me when I was due, the bottom of my heart dropped. You see with all the weight I’d lost immediately after the surgery, I gained it all back and then some. The stoma sticks out and causes the ‘illusion’ of a small baby bump. As this poor girl apologized when I told her I wasn’t pregnant I realized something. The woman I shared everything with, my sista-girl, the person whose secrets I know and who knows mine, the one I shared every hope and dream with, I couldn’t share this with her. I would never feel a baby kick inside me. I would never know the 'joy' that so many women including my own mother shared…and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

AND if one more person tells me “Well you can always adopt.” I’m going to SCREAM…LOUDLY!! Even though, maybe one day I will.

Wanting to rejoice, I instead withdrew. Wanting to know what it felt like, I found it hard to look at her growing belly. Wanting to be with her, to fuss for her, we both kept our distance not wanting to cause the other pain. There was self-pity, self-doubt, in other words…not a happy time. I needed to get a grip on so many things that happened but most of all, why I couldn’t be fixed. Why people couldn’t understand what this was doing to me (mentally, emotionally, physically), how to feel ‘whole again’. Why life was moving backwards, and yes I went into “Why Me” mode. The answer was simple…Why Not Me?!

A cold-grey day after my relocation to Boston (a temporary thing), yet another new doctor, 4-double scotches (yes, single malt), feeling desperately alone and more tears than I can count, I came to grips with what will be my new life. You see, I found out sitting in the public gardens of Boston, that I had a choice. I could continue to feel sorry for myself, or I could embrace (no matter how sucky it is) the changes I’ve gone through and would continue to go through. I could ask for forgiveness not only of my family and friends, but from myself. It seems my expectations are too high.

Don’t get me wrong I HATE it and surgery #5 is early next year. I still feel like a whale; would give anything for 1 full night sleep and dare I say give up sleep, just to feel sexy again. Hopefully that too will come...soon.

During this time I had two other friends: one who also gave birth to a beautiful little girl and another who was finally successful in conceiving. My joy for them was and comes from a different place. They are friends yes, but our connections are different - does that make any sense? Most recently I met a woman at Memorial Sloan-Kettering while waiting to see my doctor who I struck up a conversation with. Somehow the topic of children came up I explained to her my situation. She, a much older woman also had also had hysterectomy in her early 40's. She shared with me that all the sisters, cousins in her life had children and she rejoiced in their pregnancies, but when her BF became pregnant, there was something that happened that caused them to go through a similar rough time. When I asked her what happened in the end, she said that they went through their time feeling their way and slowly worked their way back. She is now the god-mother to this womans second child, and their friendship has lasted 30+ years.

So what happened to my BF? Well, she had a healthy baby boy, came through fine and now it would seem, she is happy (or maybe delirious from her own lack of sleep). In the end I hope that she will share with me this new life as she shared with me hours before his delivery. That conversation was an amazing gift. Yes we were texting each other the next morning in between her pushing, and me driving to visit my family in another state – modern technology. I'm hoping that our friend/sister-ship will find it's way back - even though she may say it never truly left. That it was on a crazy vacation, and now it's on the way back home. Maybe this child was the breath I was holding for the last nine-months and his safe birth allowed me to exhale. I do know as I saw the text that he arrived and they were both safe, I felt a sense of peace I’d not felt in a very, very long time.

So 2009 is going to be a 're-do' year. While I would love to take back the last 3 yrs I can’t…but this year was my leap-birthday year so yea, I can do that. I was having a conversation with someone that has helped a lot. She said that things usually happen in 3s’…and after that it all gets better. So you know what… Jan 18th it will be 3 yrs and then…it should get better. Actually, it’s getting better already. Even though surgery #5 is a few days after that, I’m hopeful yet my expectations, zero, zilch, nadda, none. See Change isn't just for Obama :-)

I want to know in my heart that after this next procedure I’ve done everything I could. That I’ve tried every option made available to me. Then and only then, can I shut this heavy door. That I can allow my heart to be open to what ever possibility that comes next. To be able to love and laugh freely and with a light spirit. I have learned and grown in a way I didn’t think possible. I want to thank Ms. Patti for being so divine and gracious and saying that it will all be ok. I really want to thank Annie Leibovitz for giving me the best photography advice ever. I am forever honored that she took a photo of us together with my camera. I carry around that picture with me as a reminder of what is possible. I guess anything is possible when you reach out to people and say, "This load is too heavy, can you please help me." The key is to accept what ever level of help they can provide, without expectation but with gratitude. Maybe even moreso when you say honestly "I'm sorry", they will forgive you.

So here’s to a new year, a new life, and a new attitude. There are no promises that I won’t ‘lose my mind’ at sometime in the future, but I hope that with complete understanding and love, I will continue to move forward and life will be as it's meant to be. For a very lucky woman living in a city I love, with family and friends and finding the strength to control the only thing I can...Me.

New Attitude: Ms. Patti LaBelle

Runnin’ hot,
Runnin’ cold,
I was runnin’ into overload,
That was extreme.

It took it so high, so low, so low there
was nowhere to go like a bad dream.

(Chorus)
Somehow that wires uncrossed,
The tables were turned,
Never knew I had such a lesson to learn.

I'm feeling good from my head to my shoes,
Know where I am going and I know what to do,
I've tidied up my point of view,
I've got a new attitude.

I'm in control,
My worries are few,
'Cause I got love like I never knew,
ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo...
I've got a new attitude,

I am wearing a new dress, a new hair,
Brand new ideas, as a matter of fact,
I've changed for good.

It must have been the cold nights, new moon,
New slight change
More that to figure, but I feel like I should, yes

Chorus…

Can You Have It All???

The election begins in less than 2 hours in some states. I am both excited and yet nervous about the outcome. It’s amazing that I shared with my mother and my friend Troy (who this blog entry is dedicated to) a story about something I remembered that happened when I was in Law School.

I was a member of the Black law students association, campaigning for a seat as national secretary. I remember doing all the prep work for flyers, campaign buttons, and the like. As a first year, it was almost unheard of to go after a national position. I was told I didn’t have any experience, but I felt I could do a good job. I have fond memories of getting to Harvard a day early and convincing people, who I met for the first time to be a part of my campaign team. We plastered posters, passed out buttons and worked on my speech. What’s so funny is I was running unopposed. This was a ‘shoe-in’ victory, but I didn’t take that for granted. People told me that I could ‘have it all’, if I just showed up. I however, ran a race as if I was against several opponents. I was passionate about what I thought I could do to make a change. I was focused on making things better in any way I could, and outlined my proposal to anyone who would listen. I met Troy my first day of campaigning. He was a 3rd year who became one of my key campaign advisors during the 3 days of meetings. He was then and still is a very dear friend.

So where is the joke right? In MY MIND…and I know I can have an imagination that takes on a life all it’s own, I thought had I turned right, instead of going left, I could have met Barack. Had things progressed we ‘could have’ dated. If that was successful, I could have been Mrs. Obama. I could be sitting here in my apt in Boston, writing about why I think my ‘husband Barack” should be president. I would share with you his vision on what he believes he could do to make a change for this country. See, I told you I had an imagination. Things obviously didn’t go that way. I vaguely remember seeing him, and we know that he has married the absolutely right woman. Michelle is like the song, “More Than A Woman”. If all goes well, as I believe it is her wish, she will make a wonderful First Lady.

This week has been a week, and campaigning is down to the wire! I wrote to my friend Troy, and asked his advice about life and politics. I asked him if his life, is what he thought it would be, and can a person “have it all”. After a long conversation, these are some of the thoughts I would like to share.

Life is hard, and some days more than others. The thing is when you feel like you are at the end of your rope, you do what most people find difficult– you ask for help. You never truly know the joy or misery others go through. It can appear that they are the king of the hill, or the bell of the ball, but this can be a fallacy that is perpetuated by people who‘fake it or hide it well’. Want we do know is that when the door closes, they are like you…human. But the question remains…are they, at their core happy – truly happy? Are they loved, are they supported, can be themselves no matter what?

Having it all –it’s not money (though I wish I had some), it’s not fame (though I would like to be known for some contribution to this world), it’s not having what the ‘Jones, Smiths or Browns’ have (no matter how much you really, really, really want it.).

Having it all, is a friend who hears your pain in an email and picks up the phone, because you matter that much to them.
Having it all, is knowing that no matter the good, bad, or absolutely crappy way you may be, feel or even in a moment of losing your mind act, that there are people who know you; know your heart and still love you in spite of yourself.
Having it all, isn’t wining the praise and accolades that come in the moments of great triumph, it’s knowing that those moments of quiet, and loss; when fear and doubt may grip your very soul (as it does every living person), that there is a hand that will reach out to comfort you, and arms there to hug you.
Having it all isn’t about being perfect – it’s just about being the best you can be at any given moment.
Having it all is love of family, unconditional friendship and peace of mind.

I don’t have it all. I may have 2/3 of it. I guess that makes me a lucky woman, so I’ll try hard not to complain…too much ☺. What I do have is a drive to be the best person I can be. I say I’m sorry, when I hurt someone and I mean it. I try my best to love unconditionally. Of course there have been some dark and stormy moments but there is always light at the end of the tunnel – or at least that is what I would like to believe. I’m human – I will make mistakes – I will tell the truth when I should remain silent. I will have expectations and yes some may think them unrealistic, but I ask for no less than the1000% I give. I don’t know any other way – and believe me, some days I wish I did.

All this rambling…so what is the point right? Tomorrow is Election Day and some people will be happy, others sad at the outcome. There will be no group of people that will “have it all” because let’s face it…the economy has gone to hell in a very pretty hand-basket. There is no group of minorities that will have it all if Obama wins, just as there is no group of women that will have it all if Palin wins. They are both human who will make mistakes and I hope have the common sense to ask for help. I hope who ever wins will surrounded themselves with people who won’t ‘yes’ them to death, but provide advice and recommendations. I hope that who ever wins remembers their promises, I will. Because of those promises you are getting my vote, and I will hold you accountable.

If we as a country don’t listen to each other (Democrat/Republican), work together, re-build together we won’t have anything. In the end we all lose, and I want to be on a winning team. I’m just praying that we don’t have to get super-nanny to give the senate/congress a time out.

Tomorrow, Please Vote.

Have You Said "Thank You" To Someone Today??

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. Not because I haven’t had anything to say, but because I’ve had too much to say. What I’ve learned – abet the hard way is, it’s better to say nothing.
Recently however I had an experience (and it’s not the first time) that left me wondering if people were ever taught manners. This was ‘confirmed’ to me by a conversation that I had this past weekend.

I was sitting at a hotel bar after enjoying the very first decent, non-rainy Sunday in Boston. Of course this was no ordinary hotel; it was one of the most posh in Boston…’Taj’. It sort of reminds me of the Plaza or the Ritz Carlton in NY – old world charm. So why was I there…I stumbled by it while walking through the Beacon Hill neighborhood. I decided to have a glass of wine (way over priced!!!), and work on the novel I’ve been writing (remember that’s why I started this blog to begin with…to focus on writing this “book” – which is going well thank you for asking). It also allows me to listen to and observe people.

No I don’t claim to understand people, I’m no expert but there is something that is clear. People LACK common courtesy.

Thank You, Excuse me, Please…did I say THANK YOU seems to be a dying words in the English language. It makes me wonder if people just ‘expect’ that you will do something – that it’s ‘what you do’. That they are so self-absorbed in their own being that they don’t think it’s necessary that they say something. I wonder if people forget that when you send a card remembering their birthday, or you make an effort to do something that you think will bring a smile, that “Thank You” is the very least you deserve in return. I’ve seen it time and time again. It absolutely boggles my mind that some people just don’t get it. Maybe they were never taught, or maybe they are just so self absorbed that it doesn’t occur to them. Maybe they were never taught (carefully taught…”)

I know my parents made sure that my brother and I said thank you to people (and each other) for any kindness, no matter how small. Their logic was that 'XYZ didn’t HAVE TO DO THIS, so you should be grateful'. What did that mean? You said thank you immediately and if it was something that was sent to you, you then sent a note card; at the very least picked up the phone and acknowledged the other person and their thoughtfulness.

That doesn’t happen anymore. How sad that this, along with the economy has tanked big time.
So I was sitting at the bar watching (not happily, but this is what you do in Boston) the Red Sox, writing and I listened to a mom with her son. They seemed to be having a nice dinner and they obviously had money to spare. It was a cute conversation they were having about their day and things they did. About 10 min after I noticed their nanny arrived with I guess a toy that the child obviously wanted. His eyes lit up, he reached for the stuffed animal. As the nanny turned to walk away, I heard his little voice say “Thank you for finding my bear for me.” She smiled and said “You’re welcome Jonathan.”

I was shocked to say the least, so I said something to her. I asked her how she did that; get a child to understand that those two words are important. She said that she had seen too many children and adults take things for granted...take people for granted. She was determined that her son blessed to have a lot more than other children, not take it for granted. If she could instill manners in him, she would consider herself a good mom. She said “it doesn’t cost anything to say Thank you, so you should show your appreciation.” She said that she wasn’t born into this lifestyle (as she waved around the very opulent surroundings), and was taught to say thank you. Wow, she had parents like mine and is teaching it to her child.

She is right people take things for granted. So, Thank you for reading this my 55th Blog. THANK YOU to those of you who I know (Mom and Dad, Barry, Lanie, Judith and iBert) who religiously read this, as well as those of you pop in from time to time. Thank you to those of you who send me comments directly, for supporting me, and for loving me no matter what. Thank you to all those who have died, are here now, and soon to be born for helping me grow. Hey, since I’m feeling so good, Thank you to those of you who don’t believe in me, wish me failure, and laugh at me moments of weakness…you strengthen me :-)

As I say, my Mom raised me right. Some days I have a slip-up, but it’s not done in malice. The one thing I can say, that I do without fail is say, ‘Thank you’ to those who show me a kindness (and sometimes even to those who don’t). When was the last time YOU said Thank You to someone?

Challenges build character or is that your press agent?

Ok, so I said that this was a week of change…it’s also been a week of challenge.
Let’s start with the change…can we talk about David Blaine? Don’t worry; I’ll make it quick and painless.

Living in NY you often see some strange things, and seeing David Blaine doesn’t normally rank among them, but he gets the most press. This week was no exception. I was actually going to see my friend Ethelyn (you remember her from Regis and Kelly’s High-Heel marathon - see July's blog for more details) only to find out that they changed the day of the ‘Relly Award’ presentation. She was nominated “Favorite Real Person: Female”, of course she is NO regular gal (and the best legs in NY). Sadly, she lost to Sister Paulene…guess you can’t fool around with one of the chosen ones – literally! So while in the area, I decided to see David in Central Park.

This week he decided that he was going to ‘hang out’ for 60 hours upside-down. Why…because he can. What they didn’t say is that it wouldn’t be for 60 consecutive hours (sign of a good publicist; I can respect that!). When I arrived, I stood around and waited a good 15 min for him to flip over again while he took a bathroom and tea break.

While no additional banks actually failed during his stunt, President Bush did think it would be ‘ok to address the nation on the current financial crisis.’ After all for the next 40 days he is still the president. David however, couldn’t complete his stunt as he wanted to because of this unplanned interruption. He blames the failure of his ‘dive of death’ on President Bush. Had the president not spoken to the nation – which I personally think is important, given I only have two nickels to rub together – there wouldn’t have been a delay in his show, the wind wouldn’t have picked up and he could have disappeared with the balloons in the night sky as he wanted to. Hey David, why not blame God for the wind? Better yet, why not blame yourself for not thinking of a plan B.

There is a hum of continued nervousness about the state of the economy. There were hundreds of both diplomats and protesters at the United Nations, as various heads of state were once again in town – blocking traffic and racing around the city with their motorcades like their hair was on fire. There were Sarah Palin impersonators (I guess the best form of flattery) and the lady herself, in the city meeting foreign dignitaries who proved that they are…just men after all. I didn’t get to see her while she was here, but did spot her husband at the park in Central park with their children. They seemed like every other normal family on the car Carousel…of course the big burly men with dark glasses, and earpieces stuck out sore thumbs. I appreciate the fact that the carousel in Central park is probably the only place that doesn’t close down when someone ‘important’ wants a ride. Pay your fair, and ride with the rest of us normal folks.

Shea Stadium will see it’s last regularly played Met’s game Sunday. Ok, so technically that happens next week, but Mets fans are just as sad as I was about Yankee stadium. What is my city coming to??

The weather is definitely taking a change. You can feel the beginnings of fall in the air. I love it. This is truly one of my favorite seasons, big sweaters, warm brandy and crisp breezes. Then again I also like spring for the same reasons. Of course this year, I will be experiencing it not in NY, but in a very, very, very different city. You’ll read about it soon. Maybe here; maybe on a different blog.

So where is the challenge you ask? I had two this week, but I don’t think I want to talk about it just yet. You know what I think I’ll approach this a different way. I think I’ll blog words or phrases to make my point. This way I can’t be accused of anything beyond, what I’m going to be accused for anyway. I know pretty lame, but you know what, I just don’t want to go down a road that makes me sad today. I have too much to do, and frankly would like to spend one day this week not feeling sad, so my challenge today, is to remember the words to the song ‘Don’t worry…be happy’.

What’s your challenge? Is it family, work, friends, children, or your partner? How do you address the issue without always being seen as ‘needy’ or ‘over the top’? Do people tell you to ‘get over it’ or ‘it’s not that bad’ or ‘it could be worse’? How does that make you feel and do you tell them? I’m open to any suggestions, stories and/or comments.

After all we are all just trying to make it in this world, one day at a time. Life, even with its challenges is still the best option, right? ☺

Death Be Not Proud or Should it?? A tribute to Randy Pausch

Ok so I know not the normal light banter in the blog this week. No celebrity sightings to report, no new places discovered. SORRY! Frankly it’s been a week I would like to forget, but I did want to share something that’s been on my mind. Today I want to talk about death.

Now, before you start calling to see if I’m contemplating my own demise, I can only say it you REALLY know me, you know my thoughts on the subject of ending one’s own life. As I’ve said, ‘Once is more than enough!’

I remember being 16 or 17 and going on a church retreat with my youth group to St. Francis House in Oyster Bay N.Y. Back then this area in Long Island is filled with old mansions and older money. I haven’t been back lately so I don’t know what is there now, but anyway… Death was one of our topics of discussion and I remember being completely fascinated by it. What happens when you die? Is it like the movies [“Which Dreams May Come (rent the DVD) you can design your own bit of ‘heaven’ and all your friends/family and of course the dog (cat or you fill in the animal of choice) will be there when you think of them, but they also have their little corner of heaven]; do you immediately go to heaven (of course this is the choice destination) or do you head the other way. Is there truly a purgatory like Dante’s Inferno (which by the way scared the stuffing out of me); or the question I still have…”How do you know you’re dead?”

Of course there is no one I know who can tell me what it’s really like. Yes there are people who say, “Go to the light”, but do you really see your life flash before you like a movie on warp speed?

What got me thinking about this lately is the death of Tim Russet. I know he died several weeks ago, but there was something about the amazing out-pouring of love, admiration and affection for him. When you can get Tom Brokaw to promise to drink a bottle of Rolling Rock (which he admittedly “pilfered from Tim’s cooler’) on Election night to honor him as a journalist and lover of the political process. You can tell Tim really touched his life. Yes he was a great journalist, yes he was a loving son, husband, father and yes he loved the Buffalo Bills. This is a man who touched so many people and in death people wanted to express their gratitude for being touched by him. Like the funeral of Princess Diana, Pope JPII (who is still the best Pope ever!!!) Mother Theresa, and yes I’m embarrassed to say Anna Nicole I found myself once again glued to the television. I wondered if there was something morbid about that – getting sneaking a glimpse into their lives through the thoughts of their friends.

More recently there was Estelle Getty, one of TV’s ‘The Golden Girls’ who died this week. If you listen to the news they all remembered the joy and laughter she shared as an actress.
I also think of Randy Pausch who created "The Last Lecture". If you've never seen his talk on achieving your dreams and how he wanted to be remembered please do.

I find it almost interesting that people will say “XYZ died so young, in the prime of life.” You never hear anyone say “XYZ died right on time.” Death is not proud but how you live your life should be.

So my thought for this week … How do I want to be remembered? When it’s my turn, my ticket is punched, the gig is up…what ever you want to call it, what do I want my friends and family to say about me? Some of this is still a work in progress, and I hope to have the opportunity to live long enough to make it all reality.

I want to be remembered as a fiercely loyal daughter, sister, wife & friend.

A foodie who loved a good steak, great wine (not too earthy ☺) and a good piece of Lemon cake. Someone who loved to cook and yet was better at baking although I didn’t do it nearly enough. After all, how much can a girl eat and keep her girlish figure?

A photographer who tried to capture things others missed. Some things to make you laugh, cry or simply provoke thought. Someone who saw things through a different kind of lens; without fear or preconceived notion.

A writer who worked hard to capture the true essence of her characters and tell a story that was interesting to those who honored me by reading my words.

A Brooklyn DIVA who loved a cashmere wrap, and my Manolo Blahniks’. Someone who constantly wore orange, and/or pink and brown because they were my favorite colors.

As someone who wore my heart not on my sleeve but my fingertips (right B?). Yes it sometimes hurt, I wouldn’t live life any other way.

As a woman who desperately wanted to have a child, but God had another plan in mind. So I used the time I was given to love, teach and spoil my niece and nephews. I also shared myself fully with the children of my friends as auntie or Godmother. When the opportunity to become a foster mother and/or to adopt was available, I took it. The child, yet to be named, yet to be seen is truly my child because I needed them as much as then needed me.

Even though a die-hard New Yorker, Oxford was my second home, and at every opportunity I would go back to realign my spirit. It’s the place where being smart wasn’t a novelty, but more a matter of fact. ‘Have passport will fly’ is my motto and yes I’ve been known to fly to Copenhagen for a pound of butter and a new wool sweater.

I think most of all; I want to be remembered as a good person, someone who liked to have a good time and someone who just wanted to be happy. Even thought I hated my chocolate years (2006-2008), I tried not to complain too much, to be brave and helped others to know there are more kinds of cancer that target women beyond what you hear on TV or see advertised on the sides of buses and trains. Not taking anything thing aware from breast cancer survivors (really, believe me I’m not putting you down, or belittling what you go through), but you can get another breast. I can’t have another uterus. The pain of knowing that there are so few to champion the cause, the pain and suffering that is attached to a body part I’d grown pretty fond of is why I decided to make this my cause. This is my fight to bring awareness to an ‘unseen’ cancer.

So if I someday become famous or at the end of my life, I want you to come to my funeral “New Orleans Style”, No Black Allowed!! There should be balloons in vibrant colors that you will release (I promise to catch the orange one) to fly to the corners of the sky. I will be listening for ‘80’s’ old-school jams and I expect a lot of fun stories. I want you to have amazing food and smoke cigars. Please open a good bottle of scotch and drink to my life. Finally promise me you’ll dance…dance like there’s no tomorrow, because in reality it’s not promised, so why wait…dance for me today! How do you want to be remembered?