WHAT a week

This week marks the un-official beginning of summer. Memorial day, bar-b-que, beaches, Fleet Week (here in NY – SOOOO many military personal all looking spiffy in their dress uniforms as they walk around NY), the nomination of Judge Sonia Sotomayor for the newest and only Hispanic ever nominated to the US Supreme Court a memorial day tribute and of course my personal favorite Dancing under the stars at Lincoln Center.

Ok so a bit at a time.
No Bar-b-que or beach for me…yet this year. The water is too cold still and I don’t have my dad’s hot dogs (truly the best on the planet) so I’ll pass until later on in the season.

I love Memorial Day and Fleet week. Not because of all the really cute guys that are in town, but because of what it stands for. I have several members of my family (including my own brother who was in the service) who have served and died for this country. I have loved a man from West Point (he went on to serve in both Iraq 1 and 2) and got to know first hand how seriously our young men (and women) take their military training – especially when they are training to become an officer (and of course a gentleman). This is in no way not to honor the amazing women that serve. You, are truly more woman than I, even though I almost went to the Air Force Academy. Wonder how my life would have changed if I did?

I also want to give a personal shout out to a young woman who is creating her own change. My adopted niece Melissa. Let me tell you about her and why she totally rocks!

Melissa is the daughter of a friend of mine, and she is what I think most would call a an old-soul. She sees things from a unique perspective and feels deeply. Very Deeply!! So much so that sometimes it’s hard to remember that she is not quite a teenager yet.

This amazing young lady was chosen this past week to read her speech about Memorial day in her hometown of Hillsdale, NJ. Why is this a big deal, because she beat out a bunch of other kids, she walked with their town mayor in the parade and well frankly…because I think it’s a big deal. You see Melissa and I have a very special connection.

She is a writer and photographer like me, she thinks too much (like me), she has a heart that is compassionate and she is brave. While not everything is a rose for my little friend, she has a capacity to give herself a time-out, think it out, and then come to a rational conclusion. Why tell you all that, because I think her paper about Memorial Day is telling of her depth.

In part she says the following:
“What does it mean to be unselfish? Not the textbook definition but the real meaning. The real meaning of unselfish is the men and women fighting and dying for their country everyday overseas. Memorial Day only comes once a year and on that one day everyone should think about all the men and women overseas. Many people just think of Memorial Day as a three-day weekend to escape from work but it is so much more than that it all started on May 5, 1868 when it was officially named a holiday that was when people finally took the time on that one day to remember the veterans and the people in the armed services now.

Memorial is one of the greatest holidays to celebrate because it is not a day to mourn or to be sad it is a time to celebrate the men and women who brought us to our freedom today.”

How smart is she? Personally I think Melissa will grow up to do something amazing. Maybe she will be like a Supreme Court Justice. Maybe she’ll be a world-class photographer, or teacher, or stay-at-home mom. I don’t know, but I do know that I’m grateful that she is a person of character, and who loves (and sometimes hurts) openly. I am proud that she understands that there is more to this holiday than just a day off. I, like her parents and sister Ally am very proud of her. This is among many reasons we need to nurture our young women and add another woman on the bench…the Supreme Court bench that is.

I am a believer that this is a good country that may have gone a bit off tilt in the past few years. This is not to say as I’ve said before, that Pres. Obama will create a miracle – there is just too much to clean up. I’m just hopeful that the rest of the world will see our new Commander and Chief as someone who is willing to listen and not dictate what other countries SHOULD do. Pres Obama seems to be a man that is looking for change, and is creating change to reflect the people of this country. I believe that one day, he just might put an openly gay person in a position of importance. Until that moment, he has taken a HUGE first step in creating a more “like me world” by nominating Judge Sonya Sotomayor.

Judge Sotomayor gets my vote immediately not because she is a woman (I’m not THAT sexist), but because she is a Yankee Fan. Secondly, being a former person in the law, I started reading some of her opinions when her name first started floating around. While I may not agree with them all, I do find that she is consistent, fair, and a scholar of the law to a depth that I am not. Hence why she is still a lawyer and I am not.

I believe that should she be confirmed, we will see some interesting fireworks on the court that we have never seen before. I also predict that this will NOT be the only appointment that Pres. Obama will make. There is at least 1 other judge that may be looking to retire. Mark this page when it happens.

Finally as for dancing…I want to dance. Not because I’m Dancing with the Stars worthy, not because I dance with my favorite guy when ever I can (yup that’s you dad!!), but because this is one of the things I have on my list to do. So if you are in NY, Lincoln center has dancing every night during the month of June. You can go take a class (yea, just meet someone and shake your tail feather for a small fee) and then spend the night dancing. Or…you can just stand on the outside of their outdoors space and dance anyway. It’s always so beautiful to watch couple that know (and those who don’t but love being close anyway) how to dance. Shouldn’t we all dance at least once with someone under the stars at least once in our lives?? This year, I will.

Sigh....words DO hurt

I met a friend today. Someone who I'd not seen in about 5 years. He is tall, dark, extremely handsome and oh so funny. We spent the afternoon laughing, telling jokes, poking fun at each other and just having a good time. It was so comfortable and probably the most fun I've had in a very, very, very long time. So what's the problem right?

Well, being super conscious of what I wear, I had on a flowing top and jeans that I thought 'held in' everything. As they say..."not so much!" We walked into a shop and there was an older woman handing out samples of some 'juice that will get things going', as she winked at him and then looked at me. He, being a true southern gentleman said "thank you Miss Kathy" as he took a swig of this "all natural, all healthy, have you 'swinging-from-the-celling' dark purple looking thing". She then looked at me and said..."I would give you some but it has just a bit of alcohol in it and I see you're expecting..." Of course I'm not, as my pal nearly spit his drink out. I was so shocked and taken aback that I simply said "I'm not and no thank you anyway".

We continued walking through this shop and I fell quiet. He looked at me and tried to make light of it and then true to his southern good-nature gave me a quick hug, said don't worry about it; I think you look great.

I wanted to run back to her and say you "so and so!!" How dare you make assumptions just because I'm wearing a flowing top. Do you know how stupid you are? Don't you know that I've been battling health issues as well as what I look like issues even when I was healthy and I'm super conscious about what I wear? Do you know that if this was a date (which it totally wasn't), I would have felt mortified, but instead I'm with a friend who knows my health history and he gets it? What an idiot you are!! Instead her words brought back pain, tears and sad memories - yet again. More than that, she had no idea - how could she? Just when I think I'm over the hump...

Look I'm know this older than dirt woman, who is doing this little part-time job to get some extra money didn't mean any harm, but it made me think yet again about word, what is and isn't said. I wondered if I was truly 'pregnant' and not just dealing with an illness that makes me 'look pregnant' would I have felt the same. Would I have been giddy, because this 'little bump was visible'? I know that I am often pissed-off when men don't give a very visible woman their seat on the train or bus, but they are VERY pregnant. That frustration is another blog entirely.

Words to some are just words. I dare to differ. I think what you say or rather what the very young and very old say is a true measure of what they think/feel. For the young, they are being honest - meaning they haven't learned to monitor - or dare I say lie convincingly yet so if I 5 year old says "you look fat"...you probably are. For the older person, I get the feeling that its 'I've lived a long time and I can say what ever I want to". Neither is correct although a child is more forgivable.

I won't say that everything I say is proper - nor correct. Not everything I write is roses or even grammatically correct :-). However as my friend Kristen said to me "when you write something that is so 'out of character' it makes me wonder what really is happening and I don't want to be the person you're angry at." Just now, I thought of the old 'sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me. That's not true - it does hurt.

So the next time you see someone - think before you open your mouth. If I woman looks like she's about to give birth any moment now...then I think it's pretty safe to say she's pregnant. If you have a moment of such anger that it's blinding, still try to pick your words carefully. Once the words come out of your mouth (or your computer keys), you can't take them back and sometimes the only thing that can make them better is a hug from a friend who says "It's ok, I love you just the way you are".

What's new?? I think I am going back to school - ARGH - I know why?? Well, let me explain.

In an effort to try to be useful/productive during this 'time-off', I'm going to brush up on some language skills. Now I know some may say I have enough time with English, but I do speak Spanish and Italian as well so why not brush up on them. I'm also thinking maybe even with the world being in a 'slump', it might not be a bad time to head back across the pond (as it were) and look for a job in Europe. Hey, why not?? I'm not promising that I'll be fluent, but I do think there are places where I can be useful, get a change of venue and possibly...well, I'm open to any and all possibilities.

I've met a lot of people during the last several months and the idea has been brewing in the back of my mind. I also think that if I knew back when I was "smart at Oxford", what life would be like now, would I have come back?I would have lived in London or perhaps France? Would I have married at a young age and have children or would I be the Prime Minister? Would I be happy, would I be rich (here's what she said to me - que sera, sera - what ever will be, will be...the futures not ours to see, que sera, sera)? It's not to say that things would be better/worse, it's just that I think I would have just traveled a different road.

Who knows.

While this is the dream this week - who knows what will happen. Maybe I'll win Lotto, maybe I've be 'discovered' by Stephen Spielberg for his newest movie, maybe Oprah will discover my book (if I ever finish it) and it will instantly become a best seller...Hey it's possible. In the mean time, I'm going to consiga algún helado y leyó un libro bueno (eat some ice cream and read a good book). Gotta start somewhere....

Happy Mother's Day....

Mothers come in all different shapes and sizes. The thing I think that they have in common is Love. Ok, so I don’t know anything about being a mom directly – I have one, have friends who are, and maybe someday.

There are even a few guys I know that are ‘moms’. What makes them moms? They have dogs or cats that they treat like their children, they have adopted children with their partners, they have sadly lost their partner (so they do the dual role), or they are the primary care-giver because their schedules either allow it or the economy forced it.

No matter how you came to be a mother I wish you a wonderful day. This is a day about being with children (even the 4 legged kind) and remembering how lucky you are to have a ‘little person’ in your life. Yes I hear it’s the hardest job there is and I can appreciate that.

So here’s to you – my own mom. I adore you, I love you, and I hope that if I ever become a mom of my own, I can be 1/100th as loving, kind, understanding and patient as you are.

Happy Mother’s day to all!!

Expectations - the good, bad and just unrealistic.

The last couple of weeks I’ve been really swamped. Writing this ‘little column’ has proven to be a lot of work. I’m not complaining, as I really do like meeting vendors, and speaking with brides. In honesty, I forgot just how much fun to be a part of the process can be.

However, I’ve also reached out to people who I’ve either worked with before, or jobs I’ve applied to. Yes, the economy has hit everyone and out of the over 100 +people or companies, I’ve only received replies from about 27 of them to date. Most saying there isn’t anything, over-qualified etc. So while a part of me is very sadden by it, I understand. I still get up every morning, look through all the job posts, send yet more resumes and hope that things will turn around soon.

I’ve also been busy trying to finish up the novel I’ve been working on for the last almost 7 months. It’s been a long and very hard road, but I think in the end it will be a fun read. What’s is about?? Well it’s about a girl that has a pretty good life, good friends, and a great job. (so far so good??). Then with a twist of ‘fate’ her life changes and what that does to her, her relationships and how she comes to grip with the changes.

My editor and I had a great conversation the other day about expectations. Most of it had to do with my expectations of the book and what I wanted to come of it, but also expectations in general. Expectations seem to be a ‘hot topic’ lately. It made me think of my expectations of people (my family, friends) as well as their expectations of me. I know that I have, what some consider ‘high expectations’. I think it’s just a matter of if I give you 110%, then I hope that I can have 85% back. Personally, I think that’s fair. However I am a flawed human with good days/bad days. I am really trying NOT to have expectations because; well frankly it’s easier isn’t it? That's not a bad thing, I'm just trying to see people from the place where they come from and accept their words/actions from (hopefully) the good place it's coming from.

What do you think? Do people have expectations of you? How do you deal with your own expectations of people? How can you reach a happy medium? If someone has the answer, please let me know. I’m trying to make things better, but some days I seem to ‘put my foot in my mouth (and not having exercised for a LONG time, you know that’s a tough thing – also not a pretty sight!!). I'm trying to get better and if nothing else, think before I write or speak.

I love my family/friends for telling me when they think I've gone off the deep end...well, I may not always like it, but it does make me think. I'm trying not to go to that place again - ya know?? So, off to more resumes…then to the park. It’s a beautiful day and I’m going to take some time for me – just me. I'm going to create a happy ending to my story no matter what.

Have a great day!