Can you believe that summer is 1/2 over already?

Wacky weather is what’s been going on here in NY. Actually, I’ve been enjoying it. Sunny days or “wake you up from your sleep” kind of storms at night. I love that I can wake up the next morning and its cool and clean – a great way to start the day.

This year hasn’t been like others when it comes to weather – I don’t think we’ve even hit 90 yet. Not that I mind…it saves on the electric bill, which is a good thing.

So what’s new on the list? A Lot!

I’ve looked at my 25 list and realize that I’ve accomplished almost 1/2. I’m pretty proud of that. Yes, there are a few more to go, but I think I can get them done by the end of the year.

There are tons of friends that have traveled this summer – to Fire Island (NY), San Sano (Italy), London (UK) and New Orleans (LA) – hey I want my pralines Kelli!! J It’s been fun hearing about their adventures as I begin to plan my own. After all, it’s been a while since I’ve been anywhere fun and I deserve it. So…as I dream…London, Amsterdam, San Francisco are on my short list…but even shorter is a trip to Montreal, which I will be doing in Sept. YEA!! This other little writing project I have, has presented an opportunity to visit a destination in Montreal, at the expense of the vendor. Totally rocks right?! One of the last times I was there, was so much fun and the people were truly amazing. Yes, really looking forward to this. I’ll absolutely post pictures when I do.

This also makes me think what do I want to do for the rest of the year.

A Job is an absolute.

“Perfect” health – or at least really, really close.

Finish the book (3/4 there, but I’ve already written the last chapter)

Spend time with my family and friends. There are so many additions to both; it will be nice to hang out with them.

Be content that I’m a work in progress and the final masterpiece will be spectacular. Lol

Guess I should get started huh?

A good quote can make you go hmmmm

A few days ago I happened upon this quote:

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." ~ R. Buckminster Fuller

I thought to myself – this is the story of my life…or at least the life I have lived the last 3.5 yrs. My reality was as follows:

I can no longer wear heels

I can no longer eat what I want to because it clogs the illy

I can’t go anywhere without fear that this bag will explode – which it has done several times

I can no longer be in a bikini

I am no longer sexy or appealing to anyone

I can no longer wear form-fitting clothes or anything smaller than a size14

I will never be able to function like I did before

I will never be able to trust people I thought of as friends, family, or any other title given again

I will always feel let-down, disappointed

No one truly understands what it’s like to live like this day in, day out

I will just have to fake it until it becomes a part of life like brushing my teeth

I will have to fake it because

I won’t ever feel whole again.

These are just a few of the things I battled daily – no hourly with living with an ileostomy. I often felt like the stereotypical ‘fat’ person…you never see a sad ‘fat’ person…so those moments – the real moments when pain ripped though my body, moments when I spent hours crying because that was truly all I could do, when asked I simply responded “I’m fine” because the history with some was “they really don’t want to hear the truth anyway”.

So life is taking on a different reality – it’s a 2 X 2.5 X 2.5 hole that is where my ‘illy’ used to be. By all things natural I’m thrilled even as I look at the crater that is packed with gauze daily by my nurse. I know that it will close itself in a few weeks and then as someone said “life will get back to normal”. My question is “what is that?” What is ‘normal’?

This quote makes me think about my life, my family, my friends…and what reality is. Reality isn’t that they necessarily stop caring – they just go on with life. Reality isn’t necessarily that after an event that is important to YOU (meaning me!!) should be allowed to be minimized by people who have no clue to what you’ve gone through and even less to whom you really are. Reality doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments of sadness, or tears or still an occasional pity-party. Reality is that each of us heals on our own time. No one can rush the process; no one can tell you to get over it; no one can take away what is your present reality.

So what does this have to do with the quote…well my changes started in December and yes I still have my faults. A lot of them perhaps, but I’m not the same person I was circa 2006. I’m not the same person I was circa June 30, 2009. I’m hoping I won’t be the same person in a few months from now. I’m hoping I’ll be more grounded, more self-assured, more confident. I don’t want to be the ‘old Lisa’…I couldn’t even if I did want to. That person in effect – died and so did some of her dreams. What I want is for people who are my friends, for my family, to acknowledge that this was a journey that I traveled alone. Even with well wishes, and prayer…it was something – no an existence that I lived alone. Daily. Now, I’m moving past it – maybe not as quickly as you would like…hey, it’s not as quickly as I would like, but there is another Lisa that will emerge out of the ashes, like a Phoenix and I will fly again. I will live again. I AM Living Now.

I guess the moral of this as I re-read what I’ve just written…is ‘closure’ is finally happening.

What's the count on the 'to do' list?

There are a few that I still have to do:
Loose 30 lbs
Dance under the stars with someone I love
Read the entire New Testament
Publish my book
Wear something really expensive and sexy (even though I have no clue where I would wear such a thing...does just trying it on in the dressing room count??)
Travel to Dubai
Stay at a 5-star hotel and
Be an extra in a film/video (I don't think that's going to happen this year so I'm being kind to myself and giving myself a pass!)

As I look over the entire list, I think I've done really, really well. I think I've accomplished more than most people have and it proves to me that if I write it down, I can make it happen (as long as I don't loose the tiny little slip of paper I wrote it on!)

I'll keep you posted as things progress...now...back to writing more chapters for this book. Funny enough...it's given me an idea for a second story...yup the creative juices are flowing...now if there were only more hours in the day...