Sigh....words DO hurt

I met a friend today. Someone who I'd not seen in about 5 years. He is tall, dark, extremely handsome and oh so funny. We spent the afternoon laughing, telling jokes, poking fun at each other and just having a good time. It was so comfortable and probably the most fun I've had in a very, very, very long time. So what's the problem right?

Well, being super conscious of what I wear, I had on a flowing top and jeans that I thought 'held in' everything. As they say..."not so much!" We walked into a shop and there was an older woman handing out samples of some 'juice that will get things going', as she winked at him and then looked at me. He, being a true southern gentleman said "thank you Miss Kathy" as he took a swig of this "all natural, all healthy, have you 'swinging-from-the-celling' dark purple looking thing". She then looked at me and said..."I would give you some but it has just a bit of alcohol in it and I see you're expecting..." Of course I'm not, as my pal nearly spit his drink out. I was so shocked and taken aback that I simply said "I'm not and no thank you anyway".

We continued walking through this shop and I fell quiet. He looked at me and tried to make light of it and then true to his southern good-nature gave me a quick hug, said don't worry about it; I think you look great.

I wanted to run back to her and say you "so and so!!" How dare you make assumptions just because I'm wearing a flowing top. Do you know how stupid you are? Don't you know that I've been battling health issues as well as what I look like issues even when I was healthy and I'm super conscious about what I wear? Do you know that if this was a date (which it totally wasn't), I would have felt mortified, but instead I'm with a friend who knows my health history and he gets it? What an idiot you are!! Instead her words brought back pain, tears and sad memories - yet again. More than that, she had no idea - how could she? Just when I think I'm over the hump...

Look I'm know this older than dirt woman, who is doing this little part-time job to get some extra money didn't mean any harm, but it made me think yet again about word, what is and isn't said. I wondered if I was truly 'pregnant' and not just dealing with an illness that makes me 'look pregnant' would I have felt the same. Would I have been giddy, because this 'little bump was visible'? I know that I am often pissed-off when men don't give a very visible woman their seat on the train or bus, but they are VERY pregnant. That frustration is another blog entirely.

Words to some are just words. I dare to differ. I think what you say or rather what the very young and very old say is a true measure of what they think/feel. For the young, they are being honest - meaning they haven't learned to monitor - or dare I say lie convincingly yet so if I 5 year old says "you look fat"...you probably are. For the older person, I get the feeling that its 'I've lived a long time and I can say what ever I want to". Neither is correct although a child is more forgivable.

I won't say that everything I say is proper - nor correct. Not everything I write is roses or even grammatically correct :-). However as my friend Kristen said to me "when you write something that is so 'out of character' it makes me wonder what really is happening and I don't want to be the person you're angry at." Just now, I thought of the old 'sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me. That's not true - it does hurt.

So the next time you see someone - think before you open your mouth. If I woman looks like she's about to give birth any moment now...then I think it's pretty safe to say she's pregnant. If you have a moment of such anger that it's blinding, still try to pick your words carefully. Once the words come out of your mouth (or your computer keys), you can't take them back and sometimes the only thing that can make them better is a hug from a friend who says "It's ok, I love you just the way you are".