Life and Death

What a week we've had here in the US. First Ed McMahon, the man best known for saying "Heeeeeeere's Johnny," the phrase that brought Johnny Carson on stage died. In recent years there was a lot being said about him losing money, not being healthy and more.

Right after him was Farrah Faucet. One of the original "Charlie's Angels" she had battled cancer for a long time. While she also tried experimental treatments and for a while seemed to get better, the cancer spread to her lungs and that along with everything else caused her to loose her life.

Before we could wrap our heads around that, Michael Jackson died. Don't need to tell you who he is, but i will share with you two MJ stories.
1 - I was getting into the elevator at Universal Music about 8 years ago, and there were two people in the elevator. One, a very large body guard, the other a very thin man, who couldn't seem to squeeze himself any further into the corner. I remember his black hat, and being very, very, very pale. This being a music company, I didn't think anything of the bodyguard, but there was something about this guy...Then it hit me and I gasped. I looked up at the body guard and at that moment he know that I realized that I was in the same elevator as MJ. He smile. So as the doors opened on the grown floor I turned and said "bye" he responded in kind.
2 - many years later, I was working at Sony BMG and Michael was protesting. He arrived on a tour-bus and there were massive crowds in the front of the building. So those are my two MJ meetings.

What makes me really sad is that all three of these entertainers were amazing in their own right. At least two of them - who had made TONS of money, died having major financial troubles. All three had medical issues. At least one of them will make more money NOW then he could have possibly made while alive.

I just feel badly for the families and in particular the children of both Farrah and MJ.

I feel sorry because these families can't mourn their loved one privately. Yes I realize that they opted for this living in the spot-light life but a husband, is still a husband; a mom and girlfriend is still a mom and girlfriend; a dad is still a dad; death/loss/saddness is still all of those things. While their families will have to go on, I can't imagine how much more difficult it is when your loved one is "a star". You have to in some instances continue to share them in death as you did in life.

Can we all just take a moment to pray for the loved ones of those that have died - these three famous ones as well as the ones we know personally. May the God/Universe that we individually believe in, grant them peace.

What does 1247, the number 5 and June 30 have in common?

Re-print of a letter I sent to my friends about 10 days ago. I would hum the "Jeopardy" theme song here, but I won't. Instead give me a few moments to share something with you.

Jan 18th, will always be the day that changed my life in more ways than I can count. It was the day that I had my hysterectomy and began a life with an ileostomy. As you all know, it's been a constant roller coaster ride with doctors, surgeries, life changes, emotions, etc. Through it all, those of you I now send this too have been my support, have prayed with me, cried with me, held me up, stood with me when I was in a good mood and those days that were horrible, tried to understand and provided cocktails and wet noses when that was needed. It's been a trip and honestly, didn't like the ride. (no news flash here!)

This past December I gave it up to God. After the absolute nightmare of living in Boston (the exception being Dr. Goldberg at Brigham Womans in Boston who explained everything clearly and told me my options and continues to take my calls, and Sophia who was an angel that morning after Halloween in Beacon Hill and every email after), struggling to find a job, coming back home was the best thing.

* Being in the care of doctors at Sloane-Kettering and in therapy was where I needed to be to deal with my issues.

* For being in the arms of the "Women of Cornerstone - my sisters" who were the first people I spoke aloud my hurt, sadness, fear, disgust, disappointment; they prayed with and for me, in a way I needed. They never judged me and always asked "are there anymore tissues??" after I shared. :-) Thanks L. I-S., for the blind-sided birthday gift when in reality, YOU and your girls are the gift to me. :-)

* I also think, no know the writing program ('Visible Ink') at Sloane-Kettering helped me write it out. Telling MY story was the key to releasing all of this. The written word somehow is more powerful or maybe, it's just easier understood. I can't thank my editor enough for knowing exactly how much to push, being an additional support system and knowing when to just let me be - but for not too long. She is not only my editor, she is a dear friend.


* Finally there is Ms. Patti LaBelle who sang "New Attitude" a night I was in the middle of a deep despair, pain, guilt and sense of loss. It was the moment that changed my life. Hey if it's going to be changed, why not by someone like Patti?

I'm getting to the point - just hang with me a bit longer.

This New Year, I was going to have - or at least try to have a 'New Attitude' regarding living with the ileostomy as January 20, was to be my 5th surgery. It was in my head and heart, going to be the last one and I was ok with it - finally. If you've ever had surgery that's one thing...to have 5 and have the results remain the same, to have your hopes of it being a success only to find out it wasn't, it's another. Nope not going through it again; I was going to create a new life and live-life. I'd let these 3 yrs change me and not all the changes were good. Took a while, but I learned.

After much waiting since Jan., tests, a false/positive, another test, doctor on vacation (not once but twice, then him sick), the results are final and positive. So number 5 was the magic number. The ileostomy will be reversed.

So after 1247 days (and if you add each number and reduce to a single number, it is 5), June 30th I will have the reversal of the ileostomy. How crazy is that?? I know technically that will be surgery #6, thereby shooting my 5 being the magic number to shreds so please, don't point it out - I already know. :-)

To those of you who were there from the beginning, middle or end; to those who never left me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, love and understanding - even if you didn't always understand or thought I should "get over it already/move past it". Please continue to hold me in your prayers and bear with me a bit longer as my body re-learns how to function and what emotions that may bring. For those of you who were able to share in the reading of "Thank you Ms.Patti" with me that night 2 months ago (esp you mom), you saw me feeling better about myself. It was the happiest I've been in a LONG time and I can't thank you enough for coming (esp. my NJ/NC crew). I've learned a lot about myself, family, friendships and life during this time.

Let me say that I continue to pray that this is the last surgery I will ever have, only time will tell. Even though you looked at me and didn't see a bag hanging from me, it was there. I will forever be different because of this experience and the scar a reminder. As I said, there is going to be a 're-learning' period of bodily function (is that too graphic??), but I look forward to loosing the weight, wearing my heels (which had to be put away and you know I love me some Manalos), getting better and having my body back. I hope to have the story of this experience finished by Aug/Sept. The names have been changed but you'll know who you are. :-) I can't wait to share in the 'birth' of this novel with you.

Happy Father's Day

If you’ve ever seen me and the number one man in my life, you might think we are way too silly. I think we are just father and daughter who happen to enjoy being with each other. Yup, my dad, Mr. B; my “macho-macho man”, my hero, my strength, my friend and yes the greatest man I’ve ever, been blessed to know.

He is truly the son of a farmer from South Carolina, the middle brother in a family of 13 children. He was a star basketball player who was smart enough to marry the home coming queen who is my mother. He is a man that even though he moved from the country to the city, but always a farm boy at heart. He still feels at home and comfort in planting his garden and fishing when ever he can. Still one of the sharpest dressers and a better dancer than any guy I’ve EVER dated, he is just so cool.

It is easier for a father to have children, than for children to have a real father. Okay, before you think I’ve lost my mind; this is a quote from Pope, John XXIII. If you think about it, it’s true. I used to say that there is a difference between being a father and a ‘dad’. Any man can be a sperm donor, or say that they are a father, but being there, doing the hard things, working the crazy hours, providing for your family, playing with your kids, discipline, some days doing things he didn’t want to, and I’m sure doing without from time to time so my brother and I could have, did I say ‘truly being there’, that makes you a father. The fact is, biology alone doesn’t make one a father — or a mother, for that matter.

There’s not been a time, when I think I’ve not been able to talk to my father. I have the ability to share with him my dreams, fears, or just the latest score on “Dancing with the stars”. I have been known to climb onto his lap, race tractors in Home Depot or just sit on the sunny porch during my visit to their home. He is a man I know I can trust to make things better – no matter what.

What’s not easy is to be a real father. It’s not easy to wake up in the middle of the night to change your child’s diaper. It’s not easy to play with your daughter/son after a day of hard work; not easy to read your daughter a book at bedtime when you’re so sleepy yourself; not easy to help with our homework especially after working all night, just a few hours sleep and having to go back to work the next day. It wasn’t easy, WE weren’t always easy, but loving you is extremely easy. OH DAD, are you crying again?? ☺

I hope to one day make you proud of me dad. I know you’re proud of me, but it’s like loving a child or parent. I love you because you are my father, but I like you because you’re a good guy. I want you to feel the same pride that I feel every time I think of you, or someone says “your father is really cool”. I know he’s cool and yes I’m lucky he’s mine!

So Happy Father’s Day Mr. B.

I Love You!

Felicitaciones to U.S. Supreme Court nominee Judge Sonia Sotomayor - YEA!!!

I am so proud of her my heart is going to burst!! I am proud of the fact that she is a Woman!! I am proud that she is a Latina!! I am proud that she is “more qualified than any other Supreme Court Justice at their time of their confirmation”!! I am really proud that Pres. Obama is brave enough to take a chance.

Now…let’s get to brass tacks (as my Constitutional law professor would say). Is she the right one? Well if you look at her record she is consistent, she is fair, she is a scholar of the law. She is also someone both parties have moved up the legal food chain (the first Pres. Bush then Pres. Clinton). She should be a good pick to make ‘most’ happy. Right?

Some will feel that she is too much a moderate, others will wonder her stance on Roe v. Wade, yet others will say that her problem is that she is empathetic and that’s not what the supreme court needs. They will say that the law rulings should be based on the law and not feeling. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with the law. Maybe your personal experiences should come into play.

Let’s face it…the law wasn’t written for people who were African American, Gay, or Women. It was written for men, by men because at the time, women were worth just a bit more than cattle. African Americans/Blacks at the time were slaves so they definitely didn’t count. I can’t recall if there were Gay men even though some would say that there were, just without the name.

I hear the GOP belly-aching Pres. Obama nominated her because she is a woman – but didn’t you do the same thing with Gov. Palin? There is no way you’re going to tell me that you didn’t pick Palin AFTER Pres. Obama passed on now Secretary of State Clinton, because you thought you would get the woman vote. The difference, Judge Sotomayor IS a woman AND qualified.

This judge is not the answer to every Hispanic’s (or women or minority) prayer, but she is someone who has experience that pertains to a certain population that the other justices don’t. Justices Thurgood Marshall, Stephen Breyer and Sandra Day O’Connor are among my favorite Justices. I want to something here about Justice Clarence Thomas – not my favorite Justice. I have met him before and frankly, I don’t think he reflect the African-American population at all. Then again, given his own remarks, Clarence Thomas shouldn’t have any problem with her. Isn’t he the first one to say “people of color shouldn’t expect things to be handed to them, but pull themselves up by their boot-straps like I did and go after the American dream.” Well Justice Thomas, that’s what Judge Sotomayor has done and continues to do. While I’m a bit sad Gov. Deval Patrick, of Boston didn’t get the nod, there is always hope that one day there will be another African-American male justice to balance Justice Thomas factor. Can we remember that the law is supposed to be a reflection of our peers? While it’s still missing a few members (Native American, Asian, Gay and others), I think this is a good first step.

I look forward to the confirmation hearings, I want to hear how the GOP will try to take her down, I look forward to hearing a woman who will remain composed and factual take them all on. More than that, I look forward to seeing another woman on the bench. She has said that few things have not changed: her feeling of herself as “not completely a part of the worlds I inhabit,” as she said in one speech; her drive and ambition; and her willingness to speak up about her own identity as a Latina and a woman. In many ways, she is walking through a door she pushed open herself. On the bench, Judge Sotomayor may be a careful deliberator, but off it she is a tireless advocate for Latinos.

All the best Judge Sotomayor and from one Yankee Fan to another – HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK GIRLFRIEND!!!