3 Years, 4 Days and 5 Surgeries later,a Long and Crazy Road

"When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." Victor Frankel.

This may be the last time I write about this, in this format. I'm not going to go into all the history, but in preparing for this day I can almost say, I'm at peace. Of course I'm writing this several days before so it will post on the 22nd without me and I don't know what will happen between now and then.

I've done the stress reduction classes, I'm under a holistic care program, I've taken all the vitamins, minerals, eye of frog and tongue of a wild bird only found on the highest mountain on the 44 planet of Zar....you get the point. I'm trying not to let the other things in my life, stress me out too much. I'm remembering to breathe and enjoy every bite of food. I am listening to music that makes me want to shake my money maker... and reconnecting with old friends who make me laugh at the memories of our youth. I am trying not to cry.

Today is the day that 3 and 5 becomes my magic numbers, and life takes on a new meaning. This is the beginning of my life and I'm going to embrace what ever the outcome of this surgery is. I will get my groove back.

I am adding this on Jan 21 - I thought that I would be fine. I was praticing all that I wrote above. I was really doing ok. Then the phone calls from the hospital started "You will be here tomorrow right?" duh!! "You do know what's going to happen right" Duh again!! You need to do XYZ and no eating/drinking beyond midnight". Does that mean I can get drunk now?? PLEASE??? I know that won't help so why bother right? I tried to be positive and to remain calm and it worked...to a point. Now as I take a break from packing my overnight bag...I'm burning Lavender candles and my heart rate is calming down. I will have a friend with me and you know what - sometimes all you need is someone there to hold your hand, make you laugh and tell you it will be ok. To wish for a hug is almost more than I dare to wish for, but I now it will be there as well...so...

I think the next date will be 8 weeks from now...that will be the test to see if we toast to success...or we toast a completion. Maybe we will toast to both, but I know THAT DAY I will be having champagne with my friends and I'll be at peace. No Matter What...I'm ready for this to be over. I'm taking my life back!

IF you happen to read this post between Jan 22 and 8 weeks from now, if you could help visualize a hole getting smaller and smaller until there is absolutely no space left; that not even a sliver of air can pass through; that it is completely sealed off so tight that nothing can pass or penetrate. Finally that this hole is completely healed and I am made whole again. If you could just hold me in good thoughts and good health, I would be eternally grateful.